It's been a while...

Hey everyone...sorry I've pretty absent on this blog. Had some eventful things take over my life.

Firstly, I got married! Yaaaas!

Now since this blog was/is about weight loss. I got married at a size 12. Do I wish I looked skinnier in my wedding photos? Yah I guess...But to be honest when I look at the photos and video from our wedding the last thing on my mind is my weight. I look so happy and I love seeing my husband and friends & family enjoying themselves at our wedding/the best event of the year. I think that the expectation of being the most beautiful you on your big day is overrated...by the end of the night I was sweaty from dancing, my dad kept knocking my updo down from twirling me, my red lipstick was across my face from the many kisses and my dress even had several burn holes from our sparkler exit. I had the best day of my life and wouldn't change a thing about it.

Then we went on an epic honeymoon in Australia, Fiji and Los Angeles

 

When we got home we adopted a dog...meet Billy!

Then some vacations happened and other things...

and we adopted a brother for Billy (somebody please keep me off of petfidner and kijiji).

 Meet Leroy!

Other than all of that we had some other eventful things happen such as moving back to Toronto (from the suburbs), job change for my husband and a bunch of other things that aren't very interesting.

During all of this I've been a size 12. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is the amount of energy it takes me to walk up a flight of stairs and that my body is 33 percent fat. I am not okay with eating nothing but carbohydrates for a straight week and feeling like complete utter shit. Both physically and mentally.

So 10 days ago I made a change. I started the Body Reset Diet. It's a 15 day cleanse/detox of sorts that focuses on smoothies, walking 10,000 steps per day and some mild resistance training. It is not a vegan book but I have replaced the dairy with vegan equivalents. For example it calls for a ton of Greek yogurt which i've substituted low fat silken tofu. Milk = fat free almond or soy milk. You get the idea.

The diet doesn't have enough exercise in my opinion so I have been doing some more moderate cardio and weight training.

So I'm actually fairly shocked about the Body Reset Diet. I don't normally do stuff like this (i've never done anything like this actually)...

It's working.

 

the skirt in this photo barely zippered 10 days ago.

OH Hi. Just hanging out in my size EIGHT dress. Don't mind me.

I'm feeling pretty excited about this. I also have a ton of energy, do not feel bloated, never hung over (no booze on this cleanse kids) and BONUS way less dishes.

I will update as I go. My goal is 142 pounds by the end of September and a true size 6 (meaning no struggling with the zipper/struggling to breathe).

Wish me luck. Hope you enjoy the journey!

xo Breton
Fat Vegan WIFE. :D

I eat because I can't stop.

Hi there..
Long time no talk. I hope you're well.

I currently can barely do up my pants, it's uncomfortable to sleep on my side and sometimes when the escalator is broken I take the elevator instead of the stairs.

What has happened to me?

I have gone back to being a food addict and it's embarrassing. I went through a fun period where I thought "fuck your beauty standards, i love me for me" which was super great and everything but then I also said to myself "fuck it, im eating the massive serving of fried noodles, cupcake(s) and latte and nobody can stop me." *unzips pants*

This isn't loving me for me.

Loving yourself means that you don't eat 1200 calories in one sitting. Loving your body and curves means taking a 20 minute walk/jog after or before work instead of watching 8 episodes of breaking bad while downing a bottle of wine.Loving yourself means having enough respect for your body not to eat 4000mg of sodium in one horrible boxed meal.

So where do I stand, what do I do? I keep failing and it's really hard. I haven't been on a scale in over 5 months and I'm too scared right now to invest in one.

I really have no answers and I'm pretty much lost right now. Somethings gotta give...and I'm hoping it's not the buttons on my pants..


xo Breton

Stop fat shaming brides.

Do you know what I'm tired of as a bride-to-be? More than writing invitations, dealing with overpriced jacked up vendors, family dramas, seating charts, more than ALL of that?

The constant reminder that I am too fat to be a beautiful bride.

I am not going to sugar coat this, I am pissed off. I am SO tired of being reminded that in order to be good enough I need to be a certain size. I am tired of wedding dresses being sized too small so that when you're a size 8, your wedding dress is a size 12. I am tired of the bridal industry and the dieting industry partnering up to badger vulnerable brides into thinking that they can never be perfect enough for their big day.

Without naming who, I have several people close to me reminding that maybe I should opt for salad instead of pasta since "I have a wedding coming up soon".

I am 5'7, I am 165 pounds. This is the largest I have ever been and obviously I don't feel great about it. I have pressure from everywhere to lose weight. If I fail, I will apparently regret it forever. Don't you know that you only get one wedding and therefore only one day to look perfect? Don't you know that the camera adds 10 pounds?

I am just really tired of the fat-shaming. When I tried on my wedding dress the lady at the store told me "I just need a good pair of spanx"... Last time I tried my dress on in front of someone they said "you just need to lose 5 pounds."

This shit is constantly being advertised to me all over the internet...every day.

It is disgusting and it needs to stop. I know perfect is a a made up myth from he media. I know that the brides in magazines are airbrushed and it's an unrealistic goal to look like a mannequin in a dress. I am too smart and I respect myself too much to let this control how I feel about myself.

I'm just over it.

xo Breton

Just ride.

I finally did it... I biked to work for the first time in over two years.

I used to be a semi-hardcore cyclist. I would even bike in the winter and rain without complaining about it. Since I don't have a drivers license or car I found that my bike was liberating and made me feel independent. I could get where I needed to go without relying on anyone else but my legs. I would work crazy 12 hour shifts in a night club and then bike home at 2am, no fear at all. Since then... I have become a bit of a wussy.

My fiancee and I went to the USA on the weekend to pick up some lanterns for our wedding and I also stopped by Target and bought a Schwinn Hybrid Cruiser. This is my first non-vintage bike in like 12 years and she rides well. (Also weighs about half of what a vintage cruiser weighs which is nice!)

Today's ride was fairly short (8km (25 minutes in traffic)) and it still really put my body to the test. The ride was mostly downhill with a few very steep uphill climbs. I found that to be the hardest challenge and at one point had to stop to catch my breath. At one hill I thought I would pass out or throw up but I pushed myself to keep going. Definitely felt the burn on my thighs and calves.



I felt a bit like a noob with all these seasoned cyclist passing me. You know the ones with the clip on shoes and fancy bikes. If anything that brought out my competitive side to keep pedaling and go faster.

The ride home is going to be an even bigger challenge since it is 90% uphill riding. I think I may mentally be psyching myself out more than it being a physical challenge.

My favorite part about biking is that you can only become better at it. It's really exciting to see what my body is really capable of and knowing that I won't be in the same place in a week as I am today.
 


 xoxo Breton

Falling off the wagon...

...and then not getting back on.

I've been chunky on and off for my whole life. I remember being twelve or thirteen years old and weighing myself at 155 pounds. My weight has always plagued me. I have been on more crash diets than I can count and have always thought that maybe life would be better if only I was skinny. 

Well fuck that shit. 

I've definitely worked hard and then kind of just stopped working hard over the last two months. But I don't want to view this as a failure. Sometimes life happens and sometimes I don't want to wake up and go to the gym or starve myself on quinoa salads. Sometimes I really want a bagel. Sometimes I am tired as hell from working 11 hour days and would rather watch Gypsy Sisters and cuddle with my dog.

Life is fabulous at size 12. Even more fabulous than it was when I was a very tight size 6.

Here I am last week in Cancun, Mexico. Curvy and feeling great.

Truth: Your happiness has nothing to do with your dress size.

Other than my love of fried food, I think my other healthy living demotivation is the constant possibility of "failure."  It sucks how we are constantly judged by ourselves and others for getting a soy no whip mocha frappucino if we're trying to eat well. We set ourselves up to fail  by completely prohibiting indulgences and then being horrible to ourselves if we cave once in while...or in my case for two entire months of binge eating bad food.

Why do we measure or success and failure by how long we can hang on to a goal? Who says that our goals need to be achieved right this minute? Most good things take time to achieve and are never without challenges. We need to learn that failure is OK and a part of the process. It's a long and bumpy road to any worthwhile goal and sometimes it's ok to pull over to take a break or even re-think your direction.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” - Winston Churchill 

To get back on track I am going to purchase a new bike this weekend and cycle to work whenever the weather corporates with me. There was a time when I used to cycle to work and home every day and not only did I look great and have killer legs...I also felt amazing. My fiancee also just bought a bike and I can't wait to hit some trails with him. The cherry blossoms are still out in Toronto and the lilacs are just blooming. 


xo Breton

Going Vegan.

It occurred to me that I never told you my Vegan story and my blog is called "Fat Vegan Bride".*  Oops!

I went Vegan on May 20th,  2006 after being vegetarian since 2002. So in total I haven't eaten any animal's dead carcass in 11 years. Go me!

It wasn't always this way my devoted blog readers (I think I have one follower)...

                                                              Me at 16. Proud moment.


I grew up the way any typical scottish-canadian-nova scotianish girl would. Steak, potatoes, spare ribs, fish sticks and Mr Noodles..I don't think I even tried broccoli until I was 17 and moved out on my own. Our house rarely had any fruits or vegetables. I tried brussels sprouts for the first time last month.

It's not that we were sheltered or unloved but it wasn't the age of the internet or Oprah going Vegan. Dr. Oz wasn't in my mom's living room to tell her that she was poisoning her children. We wanted a cheeseburger? Damn right we got one.

Initially I had become a vegetarian due to a very unpleasant experience with a chicken wing or perhaps it was to rebel against my family's conventional ways. I was a fairly hormonal thirteen year old. This was also the same year I started working at Burger King, which definitely isn't a highlight of my life. I remember greasy burger after greasy burger and not being able to wash the grime off no matter how many showers I took.

I wasn't a "ethical" vegetarian at all. I had no problem downing an extra-large milkshake or eating a triple cheese pizza. My BFF Matt and I used to go to Pizza Hut and max out our stomach capacity at the all you can eat lunch buffet. Occasionally this led to (almost) barfing in the parking lot.

                                                   This is Matt at the Pizza Hut buffet


Other than my dogs, I can't say I really cared that much about animals. I never once even thought about where food came from and how it got to my plate.

At 16 I started doing a co-op at an alternative clothing store and the owner was this sweetest little goth girl named Tara. She had been vegan for like 100 years and I thought she was just the coolest person. Tara and I became friends and she invited me to come with her to Farm Sanctuary in upstate New York during the May long weekend. *Fun fact - Tara is now my maid of honor and my female best friend.

                                                  16 at co-op with my new girl BFF Tara.
                                                          We still really love french fries.


Farm Sanctuary was both a bittersweet experience. I met the sweetest animals that also happened to be missing limbs, ears and beaks. The saddest part was that they didn't seem to hate humans despite all the horrible things we did to them. I also met "Zoop" who was a goat with three legs (the fourth froze off because he was left in a shed in the middle of January), I don't know why I loved that goat so much but he made me cry my eyes out in the middle of a field.

I just couldn't do it anymore. I quit eating all animal products, it was that simple for me. I didn't care about how good the cheese crust stuffed pizza was or how much I enjoyed a glass of cold chocolate milk. My taste-buds were no longer more valid than an animals life. And don't be fooled people, the milk/egg industry is the same industry as where meat comes from.

I often get asked if I miss meat. I think it would be a lie if I said "No, never gross!". I do think meat is definitely revolting when I realize that it's literally a chunk of flesh...but I did/do love the taste. I dedicate at least 75% of my cooking to try to emulate meat and dairy because I miss the taste. There is no disputing that ice cream is delicious and cheddar cheese was the shit but there are SO many vegan alternatives out there now. Which is awesome (and also not awesome for my thighs and ass).

So there you go, my one follower, you can go Vegan too! If I can do it, I promise that anyone can.



xo Breton

*Just a heads up, I don't think I'm "fat". I just like the shock value of the name and it's sort of humorous to me in a self-deprecating kind of way.


And just for fun...a photo of me when I was 17 and just getting into the pin-up look.

Today for lunch I ate my feelings...

They tasted salty and greasy and a tiny bit sad.

I decided today that instead of being a grown up and trying to get over my feelings I would just go order some deep fried noodles and tofu at my favorite Chinese fast food place. Because let's face it, it's way easier to devour a thousand calorie lunch than it is to actually face real life problems!

I'm fairly certain that I'm not the only person that does this.

I'm not saying my life is bad or anything... I am just stressing a little bit at work because I'm covering a maternity leave contract and I'm not certain where I'll end up in July. It's also my brother Johnny's birthday today, he passed away when he was 9 from Cancer. I also have my period and my wedding invitation samples suck.

So I guess I'm just a bit down today, a little stressed and a little bit feeling like "fuck it, I don't care if I die of heart disease! give me all the MSG! pass me the sweet and sour sauce so I can rub it all over my face and mouth..."

Which is silly really because I know that MSG (Monosodium glutamate) is an excitotoxin and I'm very careful to avoid things like this. I probably spend two hours at the grocery store because I'm ingredient obsessed and try to avoid all toxins and preservatives in my food. 90% of the time I even make my sauces from scratch because the bottled stuff scares me.

I can't help but wonder if by eating like shit during these bouts of depression - is it me subconsciously punishing myself? Can eating a massive portion of chemicals and fried food really make us feel any better?

I wish I could finish this blog entry with something positive to say or some solution to this "eating our emotions" problem. But I really don't know how to fix it. I know right now my stomach feels pretty bad and filled with garbage and tonight I'm going to have to do at least double the exercise. That sucks. It also definitely didn't make me feel any better.

xo Breton



Ps. If you're interested in finding out what the top 10 food additives to avoid are download this PDF:
http://www.hungryforchange.tv/images/Food-Matters-Top-10-Food-Additives-To-Avoid-Printable-Shopping-Guide-2012.pdf