On bikini shopping and getting my confidence back.

I had a huge Facebook response last week on my post "bikini shopping and hating yourself" http://fatveganbride.blogspot.ca/2013/02/on-bikini-shopping-and-hating-yourself.html

So thank you to those who read and even were inspired by that post, I didn't event know anyone read my blog :)

So a bit of an update from last week. I started doing Jillian Michaels' 30 day Shred on Friday and as much of an awful bitch as she is, I find it oddly motivating. It's like surviving getting the shit kicked out of you repeatedly. I've been careful about what I'm eating but also not completely depriving myself either. I even *gasp* had a piece of vegan almond chocolate cake on Sunday and it was glorious.

So I've been feeling good and basically making an effort not to be a self-deprecating asshole. It's funny when you become very hyper-aware of a behaviour and start to realize just how much you've been doing it.
 
So tonight I decided to give bikini shopping another shot. Did you know that science has proven that bathing shopping actually causes depression in women. Pretty groundbreaking right?....

I went in to today's bikini shopping adventure with a positive attitude and red lipstick. I feel that these two things were keys to my success.

I started at Sears. Why? I don't know other than that it's right outside of my office.  I started there with a one piece called Slim Trim or something equally irritating. Am I the only one that doesn't want to wear a bathing suit that is called Slim Trim? It's like validating that I need to wear Spanx in order to be beach acceptable. Regardless, the one piece was actually pretty nice, it had a nice pinup feel to it. On the flipside it also felt like I had a thousand waist cinching bands cutting off my stomach circulation. This purple tensor bandage was also $115, so this was a no go.

I still felt good though, I kept positive and continued my journey to Victoria's Secret.

If you have ever been to Victoria's Secret, it's basically the mecca of places to feel bad about yourself. The models are plastered everywhere and are basically the size of my right thigh but with giant tits and a perfect Jennifer Lopez ass. They are also somehow latin with blonde hair and massive blue eyes. Who has these genetics?

So I quickly sifted around the bathing suit section, I saw it peeking out from an ocean of neon spandex. The perfect bikini. 

I admit that I had my doubts before trying it on but I tried to stay positive. I mentally told myself how good powder blue looks on my skin tone and how this bikini would look awesome with my massive white straw hat.

Into the change room I went. I just need to pause for a moment and discuss how much I love the Victoria's Secret change rooms and how the other stores should take some pointers. Sears I'm looking at you! They are these adorable pink cubicles with flattering lighting, and on the mirror (which is probably slimming) it says "Life is FABULOUS".

So here is how I looked:

Obviously you can see by my impromptu Victoria's Secret change room photoshoot. I LOVE THIS BIKINI. And more than the bikini I love how I look in the bikini. I think I look fucking fabulous and just as good as the model in the Victoria's Secret ad (above).

Despite all that you have been taught, feeling good about yourself does not come from diet and exercise.  It comes from within yourself. You can lose all the weight in the world and still feel worthless if you can't take a minute and appreciate who you are.

I am not saying that I have it all together and that I don't sometimes have mini breakdowns when I see my gut when I go pee. I'm saying that as women we need try our best to pull ourselves together and realize that regardless of size, we can be perfectly fine as we are. The number on our scales do not define who we are or what we are capable of.

It's really okay to sometimes have that piece of chocolate cake.

xo Breton

Healthy Vegan Pizza - it's true!!

Time for a lighter post!

My Fiancee loves junk food and is also trying to shed some pounds. As you all know, eating like shit usually is counterproductive for losing weight.

Fridays can be bad for us and eating. Typically when I get home from work late I am useless from a long week at work. I don't usually have much desire to whip out my Chef Boyarvegan skillz.

So I thought that I would find some simple recipes that would combat both my lethargy/lazyness and my fiancees love for all things cheesey/saucey/fake meat.

Enter the High Protein Tortilla Pizza from Ohsheglows.com and Spicy Buffalo Cauliflower 'Wings' from PETA.

so good!!

Spicy Buffalo Cauliflower 'Wings' from PETA.
Cauliflower Chicken Wings:
http://www.peta.org/living/vegetarian-living/spicy-buffalo-cauliflower-wings.aspx

High Protein Tortilla Pizza from OhSheGlows
http://ohsheglows.com/2011/08/19/high-protein-tortilla-pizzas/


Highly recommend this, makes a perfect weekend meal!

xo Breton

On bikini shopping and hating yourself.

There is nothing like a little self-deprecation to really kick start a workout...

Today I did the unthinkable...I went into a florescent coffin/change room and decided that I would try on a bathing suit for my upcoming trip to the Bahamas.

So I started this epic failure of a journey at Sears. Which by itself is the epitome of eternal sadness.

Once in the change room, I slipped on these adorable 1950s style Jantzen bikini bottoms. They got over my hips which was my first concern and I looked in the three way mirror or horror and thought.

"Oh my fucking god...what IS THAT ON MY THIGHs!?!"

It was obvious to me that not having a full length mirror in my house for quite sometime perhaps was not the best method of cellulite prevention. I couldn't help mumble out loud "cottage cheese thighs..."

I quickly took those bikini bottoms off and didn't even bother trying on the top. That was enough time in the fun house mirror room for one evening.

I practically threw the bathing suit at the change room Sears lady and then regretted taking my anger out on her right afterwards. It wasn't her fault that I shamefully polished off a a giant serving of Phad Thai last weekend.

I decided that I needed to take a walk to clear my head, so I slowly climbed the escalator to the overwhelming perfume section and made my way out to the glistening lights of the mall.

I started to think really hard about what had just happened. Not about the bathing suit but about what I had just done to myself. Why was I such a horrible, hateful bitch to myself in that change room? Why did I become every single girl in elementary/high school that ever made me feel like I was less of a person for wanting to go swimming at a public pool. As if the moments of being called a "whale" and a "fat ass" weren't enough for all of those years...at 24 years old, I made myself feel like a complete worthless piece of shit.

This is not acceptable. Ever.

My current body.

In grade 11 I did a sociology paper and interviewed a Toronto dominatrix. She told me that the best way to gain confidence is to take 5 minutes every day in a full length mirror and compliment yourself. Tell yourself out loud how beautiful you are, how nice your eyes are, how perky your tits are, whatever you want. Even if you don't feel like you mean what you're saying, do it everyday.  So I started doing that at 16 years old, then I found Burlesque and that was another way that I felt beautiful and then I stopped doing Burlesque. After I stopped performing, I gained 15 pounds and at some point decided maybe I should start hating myself again. I'm not sure why I let my confidence slip away so quickly. I could probably blame a series of people but to be honest the most cruel person ever to me, was myself. Nobody has ever been as hateful to me.

It seems like no matter what, us as women want to achieve the unattainable. That's not to say that you can't lose 40 pounds, what I'm saying is that once that 40 pounds is gone I can bet that you'll find something else wrong. Maybe you'll need to whiten your teeth, get a boob job, get hair extensions, bleach your hair so you look more like a Barbie, dye your hair black so you look more exotic like Kim Kardashian. Whatever we do to fix these "imperfections"..I feel like we're always going to want more. Has it ever occurred to us that maybe more isn't always better.


I came home from this with a new perspective. I am going to try to do whats right for me and try to love myself completely. The first step to loving myself was to put on my sports bra and work it out to Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  Not because I want to look a certain way or be a certain person but because I want the best for myself.



xo Breton

Food porn + Jillian Michaels 30 day shred

This week has been off to a great start except for one MAJOR setback. My gym membership at Goodlife got cancelled. One very sore and pathetic day in December I asked our health department how I could cancel my membership....I guess this means that I asked her to outright cancel it. Anyways, they can't reinstate my membership until March 15th so I'm basically gym-less for over a month. It's like the Gods of skinny are working against me here.

I did potentially find a solution....

Jillian Michaels 30 day shred! I was googling/amazon-ing this DVD and the reviews are insane. The before and after picture are truly inspiring. Some people dropped around 15 pounds in one month. Jillian also has a meal plan but it's not very vegan...Sirloin steak anyone? I did some more research and basically she is working on a foundation of a low carb, high protien 1200-1300 cal daily diet. Already doing that.

So I'm going to pick up this DVD at Walmart today and give it a go... My neighbors are going to hate me.
Apparently this DVD destroys you and your ability to walk but I will also try to get some yoga mixed in throughout the month if I physically can. I will measure in and post some before photos tomorrow.

This has been a really great week for food. I've been very strict with my diet and following my meal plan. As I expected, Ohsheglows.com has proved to be an amazing resource.

Some highlights...

Spaghetti Squash Pasta with creamy avocado sauce.

Recipe credit: http://ohsheglows.com/2012/09/28/creamy-avocado-spaghetti-squash-pasta-how-to-roast-spaghetti-squash/

Roasted Butternut Squash with Kale and Almond Pecan Parmesan. My extra protein was Gardein Chiptole Lime Chicken Strips (careful these are high in sodium & carbs...however they do have 21g of protien in 3 strips)

Recipe credit: http://ohsheglows.com/2012/09/24/roasted-butternut-squash-with-kale-and-almond-pecan-parmesan/

xo Breton

 

I'm back!

I have been slacking on this blog and to be honest I kind of totally forgot about it.

On the flip side, I have not been slacking on my diet and fitness. I definitely had a major falling out between my last update and Christmas and got up to my heaviest at around 172. I also bought a different wedding dress that actually fits me ...so I guess I was lacking in motivation for a while.

As of January I jointed Hourglass Workout (www.hourglassworkout.com) and lost a couple of inches and about 8 pounds in 5 weeks. Unfortunately due to this ridiculous overpriced wedding that we're planning I couldn't continue with Hourglass Workout in February because of the $200/monthly fee. *sigh*.

I'm so glad I did Hourglass workout in January because I saw results and also learned a few crazy cross fit circuits. I did it for the first time on my own on Saturday and I can't walk today. I will post a few of the exercises this week. It is seriously so hard and I feel like I looked like a crazy person at the gym.

Or because I looked this like....

I recently discovered the most amazing vegan healthy recipe site. OHSHEGLOWS.com is seriously the best thing ever. I am experimenting with a ton of their recipes this week and will post on it. I really like how the chef Angela Liddon takes food that would typically make you into a giant fat ass and cuts out the sugar, oils, and all of the bad stuff so it's edible and healthy. I am definitely not a quinoa bowl kind of girl.

 I didn't take any photos from Jan 1st but I do have a progress picture from after I lost 5 pounds. I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I also just booked a trip to the Bahamas for my dads 50th birthday. We depart March 27th...Ive set a personal goal for myself to get down to 149lbs before then.

xo Breton