So thank you to those who read and even were inspired by that post, I didn't event know anyone read my blog :)
So a bit of an update from last week. I started doing Jillian Michaels' 30 day Shred on Friday and as much of an awful bitch as she is, I find it oddly motivating. It's like surviving getting the shit kicked out of you repeatedly. I've been careful about what I'm eating but also not completely depriving myself either. I even *gasp* had a piece of vegan almond chocolate cake on Sunday and it was glorious.
So I've been feeling good and basically making an effort not to be a self-deprecating asshole. It's funny when you become very hyper-aware of a behaviour and start to realize just how much you've been doing it.
So tonight I decided to give bikini shopping another shot. Did you know that science has proven that bathing shopping actually causes depression in women. Pretty groundbreaking right?....
I went in to today's bikini shopping adventure with a positive attitude and red lipstick. I feel that these two things were keys to my success.
I started at Sears. Why? I don't know other than that it's right outside of my office. I started there with a one piece called Slim Trim or something equally irritating. Am I the only one that doesn't want to wear a bathing suit that is called Slim Trim? It's like validating that I need to wear Spanx in order to be beach acceptable. Regardless, the one piece was actually pretty nice, it had a nice pinup feel to it. On the flipside it also felt like I had a thousand waist cinching bands cutting off my stomach circulation. This purple tensor bandage was also $115, so this was a no go.
I still felt good though, I kept positive and continued my journey to Victoria's Secret.
If you have ever been to Victoria's Secret, it's basically the mecca of places to feel bad about yourself. The models are plastered everywhere and are basically the size of my right thigh but with giant tits and a perfect Jennifer Lopez ass. They are also somehow latin with blonde hair and massive blue eyes. Who has these genetics?
So I quickly sifted around the bathing suit section, I saw it peeking out from an ocean of neon spandex. The perfect bikini.
I admit that I had my doubts before trying it on but I tried to stay positive. I mentally told myself how good powder blue looks on my skin tone and how this bikini would look awesome with my massive white straw hat.
Into the change room I went. I just need to pause for a moment and discuss how much I love the Victoria's Secret change rooms and how the other stores should take some pointers. Sears I'm looking at you! They are these adorable pink cubicles with flattering lighting, and on the mirror (which is probably slimming) it says "Life is FABULOUS".
So here is how I looked:
Obviously you can see by my impromptu Victoria's Secret change room photoshoot. I LOVE THIS BIKINI. And more than the bikini I love how I look in the bikini. I think I look fucking fabulous and just as good as the model in the Victoria's Secret ad (above).
Despite all that you have been taught, feeling good about yourself does not come from diet and exercise. It comes from within yourself. You can lose all the weight in the world and still feel worthless if you can't take a minute and appreciate who you are.
I am not saying that I have it all together and that I don't sometimes have mini breakdowns when I see my gut when I go pee. I'm saying that as women we need try our best to pull ourselves together and realize that regardless of size, we can be perfectly fine as we are. The number on our scales do not define who we are or what we are capable of.
It's really okay to sometimes have that piece of chocolate cake.
xo Breton
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